Thursday, November 09, 2006

Chris D wins costume contest with ‘George’

It is with great pleasure that I declare friend, colleague and all-around jackass-of-trades Chris D the winner of the First Annual Dongoose Halloween Costume Contest. The Portland, Oregonian not only pulled out all the stops in making his costume—an homage to professional cyclist George Hincapie—he also became the character, entering a real-live bike race as the man himself.

CD (left) and George Hincapie hisself...separated at birth?
Note the Hincapiesque mouth gape. Nice touch Chris.

While not having the universal appeal or recognition of say a pirate or a dead president or a slutty kitten, Chris’ attention to detail and assumption of character were remarkable—except that part where he vomited and dropped out of the race. The fact that message boards were aflame with “was that really?”-type posts in the ensuing week are testament to his authenticity.

In making his costume, Chris no doubt used his extensive connections to secure not only the rider’s signature eyeglasses, but a full team uniform and a rare suspension road bike exactly like the one Hincapie uses for the rough-and-tumble Paris-Roubaix race. He even grew his facial hair to the perfect George-like five o’clock shadow. The only thing missing was the French podium girl wife. Oh, and a trip to the podium. But props to Chris for forgoing knobbies and tackling the unpaved cyclocross course with high pressure road tires.

While Chuck’s frightening Mr. T outfit and Rye’s White Goodman (a.k.a. Ben Stiller’s character from Dodgeball) both ripped, I have to go for the authenticity, obscurity and flawless execution of Chris' costume. Plus I didn’t see anyone with a good naughty librarian outfit this year.

Unlike the Nobel Prize, which has an elaborate and sophisticated system of application, nomination and juries, the Dongoose Halloween Costume Contest has no rhyme nor reason whatsoever and the award is at the sole whimsical discretion of myself and myself alone. It's even arbitraily awarded some week-and-a-half after Halloween.

For his efforts, Chris will receive an autographed poster of the University of Maryland’s Fighting Terrapins Women’s Field Hockey Team. Fear the turtle.

God bless Jon Stewart

“Tomorrow, you’re all going to wake up in a brave new world, where the constitution gets trampled by an army of terrorist clones created in a stem-cell research lab run by homosexual doctors who sterilize their instruments over burning American flags, where tax-and-spend Democrats take all your hard-earned money and use it to buy electric cars for National Public Radio and teach evolution to illegal immigrants. And everybody’s high!”
- Stephen Colbert

Thanks to Chris H. for this one.

Monday, November 06, 2006

Please Vote

Tuesday, November 7, 2006 is Election Day
Please vote.
Your right to bitch about things is directly
correlated to exercising your right to vote.
Says me anyway.
Please Vote.
Urge Overkill - The Candidate
I am the candidate, I hope your voting for me,
Candid candidate, making promises so easily
I am the candidate,
But I'm not your favorite son - you say
I hope you come out on election day
I am the candidate, but you don't need me,
Looking down like a satellite, oh, how I wish I could see.
I am the candidate,
But I'm not your favorite son - you say.
I hope to see you on election day.
All these people that I call friends,
Can't beleive what I've done.
I'm just a criminal lost on my own.
I've got to run, got to run, got to run, got to run...
I'm running
I am the candidate,
I am your candidate,
I hope your voting for me...