Wednesday, May 17, 2006

Bike to work or else!

Chuck Norris Bike to Work Day
If you know anything about Chuck Norris—and you do—you know he’s not one to be messed with. Also knowing that Chuck Norris wants you to ride your bike to work on Bike to Work Day (Thursday, May 18th), and knowing that Chuck Norris can deliver roundhouse kicks to everyone in the country faster than Santa Clause can deliver presents, you should feel quite compelled to partcipate if for nothing else than your own personal safety. Chuck Norris has also made it easier for you because he knows how much weaker you are than he is. Here are nine Chuck Norris Bike to Work Day Facts:

9. Chuck Norris will punch down every road tonight so that wherever you ride tommorow, it will be downhill.

8. Chuck Norris will ride every ride on every road tomorrow and if he weren’t going so fast, you’d see him.

7. When Chuck Norris is behind you his breath will be like a 30mph tailwind minimum.

6. After Chuck Norris passes you, you will be sucked to work by the vacuum.

5. If you should happen to break your frame tommorow, Chuck Norris will come by and weld it back together by urinating on it.

4. If Chuck Norris rode a time trial bike, he’d be so fast the earth would start spinning the wrong way.

3. Chuck Norris annually wins the Tour de France by such a wide margin that they don’t bother even listing him. The “winner” is really just the second place guy.

2. The wind resistance of Chuck Norris’ beard is the only thing that keeps his bike from melting beneath him.

1. When asked if he needed a carbon fiber frame to be competitive, Chuck Norris grabbed the irony out of the question and bent it into a bike.


Anonymous said...

"The Look" was Lance and Ulrich, not Simeoni.

Dongoose said...

Well yes the original "Look" was with Ulrich, but the only photo I could find of that was a really fuzzy 180 pixel wide screen shot from TV. Chuck Norris' beard needs a minimum of 320 pixels.